RT @KenJennings: Bristol Palin lecturing everybody on the sanctity of marriage is like the Star Trek where they conjure up Joe Piscopo t ... at 2012-05-16 18:52 UTC

When using the bible to justify an evil policy, one gets short-term fiat as moral and a tiny eroding of bible's credibility. #NC at 2012-05-09 20:12 UTC

I'd post a photo of this scrambled egg-substitute hospital-food substance, but the eerie, unnatural yellow cannot be represented in R-G-B. at 2012-05-08 13:49 UTC

Hey, base-10 enthusiasts! My 1000th tweet is coming up! It's sure to be wonderful. Dearest base-9 advocates, sorry, 1000th was about llamas. at 2012-05-05 01:23 UTC

RT @RobinMcCauley: Having cats is exactly like having children. You do the best that you can do as a parent for 18 years then they die. at 2012-05-05 01:17 UTC

Spoke nothing but French to @oxenfree this morning. He was so alarmed, he forgot to mope around and waste time getting ready. at 2012-05-04 12:15 UTC

Barista at @downtowncredo is sure our group must gather to play W-o-W. I wanted to really work it, but I didn't even know the vocabulary. :( at 2012-05-03 20:14 UTC

I found an old unfinished #nanowrimo story I started many years ago, hooked myself in rereading to end, and have no idea where I was going. at 2012-04-30 13:52 UTC

RT @cafesciorl: Wed., a scientist talks about why we're fat. The theme drink is water and the yucca frites are double price. at 2012-04-28 19:00 UTC

If your political philosophy fits on a bumper sticker, I don't want you to vote at all. at 2012-04-26 20:52 UTC

Orlando co-workers, let's try #coworking™ in Downtown Credo this week. Tuesday. All welcome. Back to Stardust next week, prob. at 2012-04-23 00:15 UTC

Bike-cam @oxenfree. http://t.co/XuH1OGhf at 2012-04-22 13:54 UTC

First barbeque of spring. http://t.co/olH4Peyk at 2012-04-21 23:49 UTC

My 3.8-year-old kid has an opinion about the presence of basil in hollandaise. I might be spoiling him. at 2012-04-21 15:29 UTC

Want to make Android wallpaper to illustrate herd immunity and how vaccines protect those too frail to take them. Need arty cohort. #science at 2012-04-18 02:35 UTC

RT @SlatedIreland: “You won’t like me when I’m angry. Becase I always back up my rage with facts and documented sources.” – The Credible ... at 2012-04-12 14:29 UTC

RT @oxenfree: Pa put pedals on my bike. I nailed it. http://t.co/faNT8jp7 at 2012-04-12 03:23 UTC

I can tell it's time to replace my phone, because the stickers (like those on a 13-year-old girl's composition notebook) are wearing off. at 2012-04-11 12:20 UTC

RT @normative: BREAKING: Rick Santorum announces end of the most elaborate SEO effort ever. at 2012-04-10 23:07 UTC

RT @JPBarlow: Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed: everything else is public relations. - George Orwell at 2012-04-09 11:40 UTC

This day in particular really makes me question the direction my life is going. Specifically, why am I raking these motherfucking leaves?! at 2012-04-08 16:49 UTC

RT @MikeDStephens: Going to type my suicide note in Comic Sans. So I can go out knowing those assholes will have to suffer one more time. at 2012-04-08 01:01 UTC

If there were any justice, this would be everywhere, and there would be only one McDonalds lef @ Beefy King http://t.co/DJ7bJvJv at 2012-04-07 15:47 UTC

Just passed 10 thousand users of my mixed-drinks app. http://t.co/r0oSei6v I'm calling the donation model a huge failure. at 2012-04-07 13:10 UTC

RT @matterkel: How many Obamas does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but he is going to need another four years. at 2012-04-04 20:11 UTC

Filling Kid's new xpod. Exhilarating. Aaron Copeland to Zero 7. TMBG Devo Fugazi Guillemots MilesDavis LongWinters Dvorak... Rock out, dude. at 2012-04-04 02:27 UTC

Can't get my brandy:cognac ratio right. Now committed to drinking a quart. at 2012-04-01 21:12 UTC

My son, @oxenfree, and I were both born at times so that when we hear “eminem”, we each think, “candy!” #serendipity at 2012-03-29 14:06 UTC

I don't tell The Kid names of television shows. Among Star Treks, TNG is “Captain Movie". Voyager is “Janeway Movie” ...until 7of9 at least. at 2012-03-29 01:14 UTC

Today's potatoes are from: ...I have no reason to know, damn you, heart muscle. at 2012-03-27 21:38 UTC

Turns out that last-night's costume party was not actually a costume party. Huh. Will do that now on. Next week, bris Batman. at 2012-03-25 13:57 UTC

A myocardial infarction didn't make me feel old. Seeing the “You must be born after ____ to drink alcohol” sign does. at 2012-03-17 23:15 UTC

Removed @oxenfree's bike's training wheels and pedals. Time to grok balance and acquire a few scrapes. at 2012-03-10 19:56 UTC

This isn't my kid, but this is totally my kid. http://t.co/9YqIxWxF at 2012-03-07 14:31 UTC

Only when I mentally compose the Yelp review that slays the entire restaurant staff & razes the building, does the word “rue” sound normal. at 2012-03-03 02:50 UTC

RT @DBagChopra: Your Soul knows the path to self-healing, but first you must silence your Mind and that infected stump where your hand u ... at 2012-02-29 17:11 UTC

I adore @NPRNews' new journalism guidelines about truth, “which is not always evenly distributed among the sides in a public dispute.” at 2012-02-29 00:02 UTC

11 years ago this week, at age 25, I was cured of cancer. Last weekend, at age 36, I had a heart attack. http://t.co/9BXtvYhx #noDementiaPlz at 2012-02-22 15:21 UTC

I now have a reference frame for saying “serious as a heart attack". Sweet. at 2012-02-18 17:06 UTC

Dear Modest Mouse, the Universe is, in fact, not shaped *exactly* like the earth. #lyrics #3rdPlanet #geometry at 2012-02-17 15:33 UTC

ruscus: I worry that you haven't tested your backup disks. #contemporaryflowersymbolism at 2012-02-10 23:31 UTC

blue iris: someone else gave me these flowers. Tag. You're it. #contemporaryflowersymbolism at 2012-02-10 23:31 UTC

Peruvian lilies: Please please please stop top-quoting. #contemporaryflowersymbolism at 2012-02-10 23:31 UTC

red rose: I am in peril. The irony in these flowers is about to slay my little hipster brain. #contemporaryflowersymbolism at 2012-02-10 23:31 UTC

orange daisies: Please help me celebrate my recent vasectomy. Wink wink. #contemporaryflowersymbolism at 2012-02-10 23:30 UTC

megamotos: I am utterly terrified of the Republican candidates for President. #contemporaryflowersymbolism at 2012-02-10 23:30 UTC

gerbera: “Friend” on #Facebook does not imply actual friendship. #contemporaryflowersymbolism at 2012-02-10 23:29 UTC

I am determined that \x23contemporaryflowersymbolism reaches memehood this year. at 2012-02-10 23:29 UTC

My reason for buying nine boxes of Girl Scout cookies, is to support the org's excellent policies. No, you can't have the cookies. at 2012-02-10 22:54 UTC

RT @donttrythis: When worlds of awesome collide! http://t.co/Qcx2dHPg (Dr. Zaius as Mark Twain via @hodgman) at 2012-02-10 16:09 UTC

I'm loath to correct @oxenfree because I adore it so much: Many days back is “miles and miles and miles ago". #spacetime #90degreesoff at 2012-02-10 14:04 UTC

At 16:38 zulu yesterday, my beard went from neat, civilized, flat on my cheeks, organization to mountain-man, serial-killer, unix-guru mess. at 2012-02-09 14:01 UTC

RT @wilw: Dear Bigots: You lose again. Signed, The 21st Century. at 2012-02-07 20:51 UTC

About 8% of “your” DNA is trophies of past wars with viruses, like animal heads mounted on an office wall. That's gross, dude. at 2012-02-06 14:44 UTC

Low-sugar, low-fat, gluten-, dairy-, and meat-free. Pick Pick two or fewer, or that ain't food. at 2012-02-04 16:48 UTC

RT @jonjensen0: Computing’s proudest moment. Unicode 6.1 is out, and it includes this amazing new character: PILE OF POO (U+1F4A9) http: ... at 2012-02-02 13:02 UTC

I heard there's a sportsball performance soon. I hope your favourite group satisfies the criteria to win! at 2012-02-01 22:55 UTC

Caught Kid rocking out to 99 Luftballoons, *English version*. That's a whipping. at 2012-01-28 22:13 UTC

New-house carpenters across street disturbing my work. Am considering sneaking a device into a wall to fake haunting. #Arduino #poltergeist at 2012-01-27 22:10 UTC

For #reptilian #overlord conspiracists, is a US Presidential candidate named “newt” misdirection or a new danger? #amphibian #coup at 2012-01-27 17:51 UTC

Trouble in chapter 5 as @oxenfree declares that the eponymous character in _Charlotte's_Web_ is probably related to Spiderman. at 2012-01-24 03:54 UTC

RT @SarahLaDuke Sh*t #PublicRadio Listeners Say: http://t.co/Efrloml7 at 2012-01-22 17:26 UTC

RT @RadioAstrology: #astrology tips: you don't need the exact time of your birth to make a birth chart. Credit card details work just as ... at 2012-01-22 17:21 UTC

Medical idea in Star-Trek-TNG is depicted as experimental. Writers anticipated was 380 years away. Was actually 25. Progress is exponential. at 2012-01-21 21:44 UTC

He's wearing new pajamas. Having heard the name only once, The Kid thinks Han Solo's name is “Sna Mooboo". I am *not* correcting that. at 2012-01-21 03:07 UTC

I'm so nice. For The Kid's show-and-tell with things starting with P, I did not send him with a pteranodon. at 2012-01-20 23:14 UTC

RT @jonathancoulton: Just spitballing here, but maybe we should have the Feds seize ALL the computers. Just to be safe. at 2012-01-20 22:52 UTC

RT @rbtcollins: If I had to choose a world without open internet, or one without hollywood movies and tv. I would choose 'without hollyw ... at 2012-01-20 12:31 UTC

RT @ZachWeiner: “Government can't be trusted, but they should have the right to detain anyone for military reasons” -People I Don't Unde ... at 2012-01-17 13:44 UTC

Whee! Six weekends later, I finished and published a mixed-drinks android app! Also, art? I did that. I IS ARTIST NOW. http://t.co/LbGM6nqV at 2012-01-15 00:07 UTC

“I will *never* apologise for the United States” is the glib, thoughtless insolence we should never want in a President. Who admires that?! at 2012-01-10 15:39 UTC

When was it that all the avant-garde bohemian artists' cafes were replaced with hangouts for jabbering on and on about what's on #Facebook? at 2012-01-09 22:41 UTC

Appropriately, drinking a large White Russian while finishing a clever mixed-drinks app for most smartphones. Pretending it's user testing. at 2012-01-08 19:10 UTC

The kind of nerd I am: I just needed to teach my phone the word “intergalactically” at 5am. Another kind I am: annoyed I used adverb form. at 2012-01-08 10:27 UTC

This power outage is blowing @oxenfree's mind almost as much as the squirrel's, which climbed on top of the pole transformer for warmth. at 2012-01-07 23:01 UTC

I'll believe corporation=persons=person argument when every single shareholder gets prison time when a corp does something illegal. at 2012-01-04 15:45 UTC

I can't believe I've cooked #bacon wrong all these years. For posterity, low broil in oven, to avoid curling direct-heat inconsistencies. at 2012-01-04 14:34 UTC

RT @StephenAtHome: If you, or someone you love, is a corporation, do not sign this. http://t.co/XGpfCqko at 2012-01-04 13:03 UTC

hashtag batman amirite? at 2012-01-03 22:10 UTC

Telemarketer called to scam parents out of $200. I made him whimper “oh my god” several times, and eventually cry. What have you done today? at 2011-12-27 19:33 UTC

Wife helped Kid write note for Santa. Kid wanted “feliz navidad". I think he was trolling nearby xenophobic Grandma. #hilarious at 2011-12-25 13:56 UTC

Next year, “Santa won't come unless you stay in bed until noon.” at 2011-12-25 13:35 UTC

I humbly vow to slay every musical mechanical dancing character that my son can reach and activate. Humbug? No. Taste. at 2011-12-18 13:21 UTC

RT @stephenfry: Goodbye, Christopher Hitchens. You were envied, feared, adored, reviled and loved. Never ignored. Never bested. A great ... at 2011-12-16 18:09 UTC

Hey thanks, @att_advertising. I *did* need 1.3kpages of unsolicited obsolete directory in murdered-tree form. #printIsDead at 2011-12-14 23:11 UTC

TRADITION UPDATES: “Sing christmas carols” → “Watch every episode of Arrested Development". Also? “Egg nog” → “White russians". -THE MGMT at 2011-12-14 14:30 UTC

Surprises from @oxenfree: Likes tango. *Loves* fizzy water. Hates dulce de leche. at 2011-12-12 22:04 UTC

Awake at 11pm. I did it for Tango! at 2011-12-12 12:20 UTC

OH: “You *can't* E-A-F-P the designer. She's Dutch!” #obliquehumor at 2011-12-06 02:00 UTC

All that's left is to smuggle sugar-gliders in my hat, taunt the stewardess, and sucker-punch the air-marshal. at 2011-12-04 00:33 UTC

Violating half my rules. Checked bag! Shoes tie! Trousers belt! Late check-in! Will carry toddler and shampoo on way back! Ugh ugh ugh. at 2011-12-04 00:28 UTC

RT @hodgman: I am suspending my presidential campaign in order to track down and capture the REAL adulterer. at 2011-12-03 21:08 UTC

Cafe Sci needs a theme drink. Help? Topic: Folks are thinking about building a starship that will take 100 years to reach destination. at 2011-12-02 21:01 UTC

RT @dohbee: I think it's time for some pair programming with Jack Daniels. at 2011-11-25 15:05 UTC

RT @PFTompkins: Every year, when the President “pardons” a turkey, I think, Ho ho! What a hilarious ribbing of a legal system that puts ... at 2011-11-23 17:55 UTC

Next #Arduino Halloween project is *also* going control lights. Namely, when a kid walks in front of house, all the lights turn off. at 2011-11-22 19:36 UTC

Just received shiny new passport to replace my worn, floppy, well-inked passport that's lost. I hate it hate it hate it. at 2011-11-21 22:26 UTC